Day 16: The Love of a King by Peter Dainty

Today, as inspiration, I chose a describing word and then put it before the word, "book" and search-engined it. I chose the word dainty. And this is what came up. This is not exactly what I was hoping for but sure it'll do.

It'll do for today, but not as a book cover. This is like catching your Mum and Dad sneaking a kiss. Everything about this cover seems wrong. Too wrong to even write about. Whatchu lookin' at?!

The only Arkfull thing in this book is the colour. Anybody who is anybody know's orange is the new metro man's pink. Will you be wearing it this S/S '13?

I wish not to talk about this book cover nor care for the word dainty anymore. I shall refuse to put it in front of anything else from now on.

Day 15: Slouching Towards Bethlehem by Joan Didion

#selfies #selfiequeen #ootd #pretty #cute #iphoneonly #picoftheday

Hai guize it's a selfie of Joan and I! This is a great book cover. This book cover is basically the inspiration of Ana Wintour ala Vogue at every fashion show in existence. See http://goo.gl/vQ8nFs. Quickly followed by Andre Leon Talley. Now see http://goo.gl/DCbEkf. Das real talk.

It's piercing, chic, and memorable. The sunglasses and the face as the focal point fascinates me from the moment I set eyes on this cover. Even the title of the book, Slouching Towards Bethlehem captures my attention.

The only thing that I would criticise (who me? never) is the little blocks of text and content here and there. Particularly the title in the orange smudge and the FSG Classic logo in the other orange smudge. Isn't smudge just a fantastic word? It seems busy to me and I don't like busy. There I said it.

Is it Joan or isn't it?! How intriguing.

Day 14: How To Boil An Egg by J. Arkless

This book cover is super legit. I only hope it's not about actually cooking eggs. Ok but actually it is, hence the smaller heading, simple cookery for one. They simply should have left that out.

There are some pretty cool elements to this book. One of the coolest is the author's name. J. Arkless has a bit of a funky ring to it. Does Arkless mean anything? I just google searched it. "In which Scrabble dictionary does Arkless exist?" Scrabble US/Canada? No. Scrabble UK? No. Official Scrabble OSPD? No. WordFeud? No. Words with friends? No. Hanging with friends? No. Letterpress? No. Lexulous US? No.

Interesting. This obviously means we have full and uninhibited permission to come up with an appropriate definition and meaning to the word, Arkless. In it's literal meaning, Arkless is not having the ship built by Noah to save his family and two of every animal from the Flood, aka Noah's Ark.

But that would be too obvious. Arkless, as I imagine it, is an emotion. Displaying a complete lack of feeling or consideration to being coool. 

Howzat? Does that work? Huh, what? Yessss.

Also apparently all eggs are French chefs. Now that's Arkfull.

Day 13: The Experts' Guide to 100 Things Everyone Should Know How To Do by Samantha Ettus

I'm figuring out how to upload my blog off my iPhone. So far so good. However I can't make any promises about the quality of this content. The judgement on today's book cover would fare a lot better if it included iPhone "how to's."

This book cover is not short and not sweet. The background is interesting but that's probably where it ends. You can't see it in the image but one of the first how to's is how to make a bed. Ah doi...

This is a typical how to, what to, where to, why to, when to, etcetera book cover. I would pick this book up and put it down again in a second. The only book that teaches anyone anything is obviously the Harry Potter series. Doi.

The only thing this books tells anyone is to not go further than it's cover.

Day 12: Skippyjon Jones by Judy Schachner

I like cats. I like this cover. I would like to read this book.

Skippyjon Jones must be the smartest cat in the world. And the cutest, and the funnest, and probably also the funniest. He's on a book cover! And he's a cat. I feel I must explain to you why I'm drawn to this particular cover. However I feel more inclined to tell you why I love cats so much in general. Alas, I will stick to the task at hand.

The imagery evokes painfully cute connotations of sweetness, playfulness and fluff. His brightest of blue eyes simply pierces the heart. And he is sitting in a pot plant that's at least twice his size. Now I don't know what that means, but it's gotta be something good. I think it's absolutely clever the way Judy has written her name on it. The colours are soft and comfortable, seemingly as is Skippyjon's demeanour and name.

There's just the right amount of everything on this page. And everything on this book is appropriate for the type of book this is, a light-hearted autobiography.

Day 11: Lamb by Christopher Moore

This book cover packs a mo'fuckin punch. "The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal" - everything I need to know, and you need to know, is in that line. Without a doubt, Moore is an absolute genius. Simply from the title, the font, the colour, and the name, "Biff." Seriously, lol.

Is this even a book? I'm half hoping to open it and find it hollowed out, a pretend book, some clever place to keep your trinkets.

Does this book have small print, strongly suggesting readers go to church afterwards? Surely this is blasphemy in the highest of its forms. It should probably also have a foreword saying, "proceed with an open-mind."

But actually, this book cover doesn't need to change a thing.

Day 10: I Will Give Them One More Shot by George Winston Martin

Hey mates, we're a tenth of a way through the 100 day challenge! Now that definitely deserves a pat on the back. 10 days of judgement on purpose however, hmm, I will leave that achievement (?) unannounced.

Now this, this is a book cover. Old boy George Winston Martin you have really outdone yourself. You have got my attention. I would make an effort to tell people I was reading a book called, "I Will Give Them One More Shot," just to say it out loud.

I'd hold the book right up to my face when reading so that when anyone looked my way they got staunch mate staring right back at them.

The colours aren't that great, however, they're stuck on a wall somewhere in a middle-class Connecticut family home. Boo-ring. And he should be wearing red.

Day 9: Breakfast at Tiffany's by Truman Capote

I can't be too sure if this is an original, reprinted, or contemporary cover. From the looks of things it could almost be an original if not a reprint. Who know's if I'm even using the right terminology. Probably not. But perhaps you kind of know what I mean.

I think this looks like a magazine cover from the 1930's. A rather risque one in fact. Ok, perhaps a magazine cover from the 1960's...when things got a little more easy breezy.

"The wickedly funny experiences of a delightfully uninhibited playgirl," does not leave much to the imagination. Even the word uninhibited doesn't leave much to the imagination even in this day and age. Whatever Capote's got going on the front is apparently only half of whatever is on the inside...if readers even got that far.

Breakfast at Tiffany's doesn't even suit the girl on the front. She don't look like no Holly Golightly to me.

If all the busy content got taken off the front, like the text and stamp, this could be a poster.

Day 8: Look to Windward by Iain M. Banks

This book cover is amazing. I even thought about how I could describe it perfectly. Alas there is nothing I can say about this cover that it doesn't already say itself.

It's perfect symmetry in image; simple font choice; striking colour palette; and poetic title, all work together to me. I didn't even need a filter. I know right?! She crazy.

The only thing that annoys me is the authors name. I know it's his name and it means something and it's probably foreign blah blah but really. Plus, a culture novel? Sounds pedantic. It gives too much away.

Special thanks to hand model, Marky G.

Day 7: Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

For inspiration today I took to search engine Google. The second best answer to any problem.* I typed in, "famous book cover," (I've obviously mastered the art of internet) and this is the first image that came up. Funnily enough this Salinger novel has been made into a documentary that's showing at the cinemas at the moment.

But who would have known that this, see above, would capture the imagination of Hollywood execs billions of years on. Today, this book cover is gracing the walls of young English Literature students, as art.

It's a brilliant cover for which I think so because of its simplicity. My motto, although sometimes a heady task, is the simpler the better. It's simple, it's striking, it sits well.

*The first is duct tape.

Day 6: Ham On Rye by Charles Bukowski

"Find what you love and let it kill you."

Ahh Bukowski, you are, in my humble* opinion, a writing great. But I'm not here to go on about the man (?) I'm here to judge him...well actually just the cover of this book. No matter what lies beneath the big blue.

I like ham, and I'm indifferent about rye. Green is my favourite colour, and I'm undecided about blue. This cover speaks nothing to me because it looks like a textbook I was once forced to buy during the long slog at university. It was called Political Ideologies, or New Zealand Politics, or Cross-Cultural Communications, or maybe it was Information Technology Systems, or some shit I care not to remember. All I know is I paid big $$ for several of these that I only opened around exam time.

I do not have time for this cover. Ain't nobody got time fo' dat.

*Not often is "humble" used to describe my opinion - is it even a word?

Day 5: The Invisible Man by H.G. Wells

Hey kittens, it's day five on the island. We've got 95 more to go. But on the fifth day of the week, as the office cats will know, it's the start of the weekend! And that is reason enough to celebrate. (What is my lyf lyk)

Todays book choice was from a pal who has just finished reading the above. My first question is: was this book made into a blockbuster? It's seemingly familiar and I'm sorry if you're yelling at the screen, "yes you uncultured alley-cat," sorry not sorry.

I like texture in a book. Not as a metaphor for content pfft but physical texture. For example: a book about the various farm animals that mimics their fur through coloured felt and cotton and such. Now that, my litter, is a textured book. This looks textured.

Let's chat about the colour. I had to resort to Resene for some help deciphering this shade of pink. Pink, would you say? And they came back with: Resene Material Girl; Resene Deep Blush; Resene Bedazzle; and Resene Trendy Pink, which in actuality I would say is more of a purple of sorts. Nevertheless the colour is carpet from the 1940's I wish to not walk on, please and thank you.

The invisible man on the front looks visible. What would have been better is a polar beer in a snowstorm, his eyes as beautiful and striking as Resene Elvis. Did you know although the polar beer has white fur, their skin is black?

Day 4: The Passage by Justin Cronin

I was passing Whitcoulls the other day and thought I could find inspiration from the vast array of shelves. So I made a beeline to the top 100 and this was probably the first thing I saw. How I was drew to it, I have no idea.

Oh wait, it's the kid.

Hollywood has it downpat. Scaring movie-goers with the use of tiny humans. Children are scary for a number of reasons. Not only do they have The Sixth Sense but also display uncanny characteristics of an Omen. They don't really have their upsides seeing as they always want to play Hide and Seek, wear stupid Rings, and have a Grudge on you. They need to hang out with The Others and Battle Royale with kids their own age while leaving the adults out of it.*

Justin you have a winner with this cover.

Something is coming.

*Not all kids are freaky just stupid drunks

Day 3: The Luminaries by Eleanor Catton

Eleanor Catton is receiving a lot of attention at the moment for The Luminaries. I chose this cover on account of the fact it is at the No. 1 spot of best selling books in New Zealand, and has been, for a good month or so. However, I know absolutely nothing about this book. I don't really do too well with keeping up with the popular tides of New Zealand's book shore.

But, I can judge it's cover perfectly well, and that's the first step.

It doesn't really do too much for my poor, naked eye. Peach conjures connotations of bridesmaid dresses à la '80s and '90s. Vis-à-vis Muriel's Wedding, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, and Four Weddings & a Funeral.

And the woman in the background seems all too familiar. Perhaps, she too, has a pearl earring. Or red hat.

Nevertheless, The Luminaries looks positively enlightening/illuminating/twinkling/glowing/beaming, if somewhat lunatic.

Day 2: The Psychopath Test by Jon Ronson

To be perfectly honest with you, so far I have spent more time choosing a filter for this image I took earlier today, than actually focusing on the task at hand. But thankfully that's over now and I can concentrate on judging. Special mention and thanks to my hand model, Joe.

So Jon Ronson is, "one of the finest comic writers working today," according to this cover. In my opinion, and everybody else's, you're always going to say that about yourself. Especially on the front cover of your own book. (I actually AM one of the finest comic writers working today*)

What really interests me about this book cover is the collection of the word: goats, psychopath, and madness industry. Now what that is all about, apart from the obvious, must be blindingly good. The front cover of a book is probably one of the only places you can advertise an animal, personality disorder, and economic activity, as a good time. Albeit, creepy.

Need I say more. I can't wait for the movie!

*I reserve the right to be wrong.

Day 1: Parasomnia by Viviane Sassen

Who says you can't judge a book by its cover? Not me. Because, I'm in fact dedicating a little time over the next 100 days to doing just that.

This is Viviane Sassen's series Parasomnia. 

Seeing as I don't know the first thing about photography, or psychology for that matter, the boy on the front cover is simply swimming in dirty water. Right? That analogy in itself describes why my highly evolved artistic eye is not really in any professional state to be judging the work of others. Nevertheless, here we go.

I like the colour of the water. It must stand for the colour of dreams.